Icicles and Fire
by Pandora North Star
Summary: Buffy is dying slowly since she has been come back and Spike si the one person who can ignite the fire inside. Will she realize this in time?


Title: Icicles and Fires  
By PNS  
Summary: Sorta fluffy fic. S/B. Around Wrecked but doesn't matter. Buffy realizes that Spike is the one who can make her feel alive.  
Come and lay  
  
Right on my bed  
  
Sit and drink some wine  
  
I'll try not to make you cry  
"Spike." Buffy rasped. He looked at her, shocked, her naked body shivering. It was pale as ice and snow. He stopped in his tracks.  
"God Buffy. What the bloody hell are you doing? Don't you know how cold it is? And for God's sake shut the bloody window." He went across her bedroom and slammed the window shut. "Now get dressed. I think I have a lead on the things that have been doing the weird stuff around town."  
"I I- don't want too." She said defiantly, shying away from his touch. "Spike," she faltered. He reached out and caught her slim form, like glass it was. Close to breaking.  
And if you get  
Inside my head  
Then you'd understand  
Then you'd understand me  
Why I've felt so alone  
Why I kept myself  
From love  
"I can't feel. I can't feel cold. I can't feel fire. I can't even feel my heart beating." He put his coat around her and helped her to the bed, so overwhelmed with concern he barely noticed she was ready to throw herself at him.   
"Course you can't feel. You're practically frostbitten."  
"You know what I mean." In her half shocked state she still managed to quibble with him. "I'm dying Spike." She looked up at him with her bluish green eyes, starved for passion, simple color with no depth.   
"Of what Slayer?" He dare not be soft with her. She wanted that. But she would fall apart with softness.   
  
And you became  
  
My favourite drug  
  
So let me take you right now  
  
And swallow you down  
I need you inside   
"Can you feel my heart beating?" For all he wanted to say yes, it was frightening that he couldn't. Maybe he was panicking.  
"What am I? I breath, I eat, I talk, I walk. But my heart doesn't beat. It took me awhile to realize it." He pulled her close to him, momentarily heated by touching her breasts. He wanted to badly to make her the Buffy he knew. He remembered.   
"It's there. It's faint, but it's there. I swear it."   
"Make it beat. Make me pound. Make the routine and rhythm come back to me. I need it." She gripped at him, panicky. Shaking. He pried her fingers away from him.   
"Is that why you kiss me? Is that why you use me? To sustain you? I'm not a drug. I'm not a cure to life. You have to live it." He tried to push her away, disgusted and hurt. He had known partly, that she used him, but not like this.   
It hurt him in the way it had hurt Riley. The reason he went to the vampire whore. And for all he hated Riley, still more for this, he understood his pain and frustration.   
  
If we had  
  
This night together  
  
If we had  
  
A moment to ourselves  
  
If we had  
This night together,  
  
Then we'd be unstoppable   
"Give it to me. If you love me you will."  
"And if you feel anything for me you won't make me. I can't do this for you! I'm not your vampire whore Buffy. I don't deserve this. No one does. No matter what I did. No matter that I don't have a soul."  
"Then get out. Leave."  
"I can't. You're wearing my coat and it's cold and it might snow."  
"Doesn't snow in California." Still she wrapped the coat more tightly around herself.   
"Suit yourself you stupid ice queen."  
"What did you call me?"  
"Goodbye Buffy. If I can't help you no one can." Spike shook his head sadly and ducked out the door without his coat. She watched him go and then crumbled onto the bed crying.   
Do you think  
  
That this is right  
  
Or is it really wrong?  
  
I know that this i  
s  
What we've been wanting  
  
And this is  
Burning my soulIt fills up my to my throatIt fills up till  
My heart is breaking   
Spike walked. Damn her. Why couldn't she be the Buffy he remembered? The pretty young girl without a care in the world. Then again he only started to love her when she wasn't so perfect. She stumbled and fell. He needed redemption and he could be her knight. But she was no princess. Not until now. And he still didn't know how to be a prince.  
The snow fell softly, crunching beneath his boots. Could he walk away? Would he go back and beg? No .He couldn't. He Wouldn't. Hot tears welled in his eyes. He brushed them away angrily.  
  
Now, we can both learn  
Somehow, you'll see  
It's all we have  
Love, it keeps us together  
And I need love   
Buffy stopped sobbing and took a long look at herself in the mirror. What was she? Who was she? Part of her was missing. And she refused to let it be filled. She touched Spike's coat, feeling the soft leather that made up his shield, smelling the musky smoky scent wafting from it. Was this why she felt this way? She was so guarded, so distant she wasn't real? Wasn't human?  
But could she give it up? Risk it all? On a chance she would truly live. She had too. She stumbled around the room and grabbed her clothing.  
  
When I wake up  
  
Without you  
  
Knowing you're not there  
  
I'm only half as good  
  
Well I'm gonna find a way  
  
To wrap you in my arms  
  
You make me feel alive   
"Spike! Stop. Please?"  
"Why. So you can say I'm not worthy? You can use me again? Your cheap whore?" He shook snow from his hair as he talked, noticing her bare feet. She had run quite fast and he was surprised she knew where to find him.  
"No. Spike." She took a deep breath, summoning the courage to say what needed to be said. What would make her heal. "I love you. And I'm scared. You can hurt me. And I'm afraid and I don't want to be dead anymore." She cast her eyes down and heard him sniffle quickly.   
"You mean it?"  
"I think I do. I want too. I need too."  
"But I'm not worthy."  
"It doesn't matter. Nothing matters except living. Can you do that?"  
"I think so." He pulled her close, lifting her off her feet. He pressed his lips against hers. And she could hear it, as she concentrated her whole soul on the kiss. She could hear the icicles surrounding her heart breaking, making it pump again.  
"What do you say we go celebrate with a cozy evening by the fire?"  
"Sure. But why don't you let me light it?" He took her hand and they walked down the street together.  
If we had  
  
This night together  
  
If we had  
  
A moment to ourselves  
  
If we had  
  
This night together,  
  
Then we'd be unstoppable 


End file.
